


The Child Inside

by MonPetitTresor



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Little!Tony, Loki has a heart, Loki takes care of Tony, Loki won't let Tony be ashamed, Mama!Loki, Non-Sexual Age Play, Not Wanda Friendly, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tony Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, You are who you are, as i add more chapters, child-minded, lots of fluff, seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 20:30:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16291256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonPetitTresor/pseuds/MonPetitTresor
Summary: A collection of One-shots (in order) that tell the story of how, after the loss of JARVIS and the subsequent separation from a team he'd thought were his family, Tony finds out the meaning of REAL family in the surprising shape of one trickster god.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TalkingToMyselfAgain (UmbraeCalamitas)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbraeCalamitas/gifts), [WhinyWingedWinchester](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhinyWingedWinchester/gifts).



> This is a collection of one-shots I've made in a little!Tony verse. Instead of making yet ANOTHER series, I'm going to just put each new oneshot I write in here. So, the story will stay as 'unfinished' so I can keep adding more.
> 
> This story will take us through the start of a DD/lb partnership between Loki and Tony. It starts right after Ultron, and runs with the idea that Loki's been clear of trouble (it'll be brought up in here) though he's not trusted by everyone. So, he's not a bad guy, which makes Tony's trust of him a bit easier.
> 
> This story will deal with a little/Big relationship without any sexual element. Really, it's an excuse for a ton of fluff and I'm not the least bit sorry. :D I hope you like it!

For the first time in his life, Tony felt like he was completely and utterly adrift. He was alone, entirely alone, and he had no one else but himself to blame for it.

JARVIS was gone. As Tony sat in his living room and stared down at the bottle in his hand, he didn’t bother trying to hide his tears. The very last person he’d had for himself, the one who had never abandoned him, and he was gone now. All because Tony had thought he was god and tried to play with something that was beyond his control. He’d brought that scepter here into his home. He’d tampered with it when he never should’ve tried. Everyone said that it was a bad idea – even Bruce had needed convinced – but Tony had been so sure he was doing the right thing. So sure that he was smart enough. _Better_.

Now JARVIS had to pay the price. Ultron had ripped through their lives and taken away the last stable thing that Tony had.

Tony sat in his empty tower without anyone around to witness as the tears slid down his cheeks. He didn’t… he didn’t know how to be alone. Hadn’t truly been alone since he was a teenager.

There had always been someone there giving him orders. Tony knew that it probably – definitely – wasn’t healthy. Yet it was the only way he knew how to be. Sure, he’d defied orders plenty of times. Howard had trained Tony to listen to him absolutely; to always do as he was told. And Tony had done it, too. Not because he was scared of the physical pain that might come if he didn’t obey, but because there was a part of him that was so damn eager to _please_. So eager for any scrap of affection that came his way.

Later, as he got older, it became about so much more. Living inside of Tony’s head was like listening to a thousand different TVs playing all at the same time. He flittered from one thing to the next, barely taking the time to finish something before another thing caught his attention and he was on to that. People, projects, books, movies, it didn’t matter. Tony moved through them all with rapid speed. Rhodey had been the one to help Tony break through that.

He was the one who taught Tony that taking orders – the right orders – didn’t hurt. That, if anything, it _helped_. It helped Tony to focus. When someone took away his choice and told him, no, you’re going to sit and work on _this_ right now, Tony didn’t have to worry about which thing he was going to do. He didn’t have to wonder or worry about what he was doing wrong. Rhodey would never steer him wrong.

Tony found that, when he trusted a person, he _liked_ the feeling of taking orders. Of having someone who told him when it was time to eat, or that he was doing the right thing, or that it was time to go to bed. Not everyone, no. It couldn’t be just anyone who told him what to do. Too many people – _Howard, Obie –_ had abused that part of Tony, the part that needed to please, and it made him leery. But he’d always had someone to fall back on. Someone that he could help him break through the insanity that was his own mind and focus on what was _right_.

Pepper had done that for him. No matter what, Tony had known that if she was the one telling him what to do, if she said this was the thing to do, it was right. She helped him break through the chaos and focus on the real world for a while.

But JARVIS? JARVIS had been the best. Plenty of people had joked that Tony had made his AI so he could have someone who he could order around, who would be forced to listen to him no matter what. The truth of it was… Tony had made JARVIS so that there’d always be someone around who would be able to help Tony take care of himself. Someone who would be able to help Tony remember the more mundane things like eating and sleeping. Who would be able to tell him that, no, this wasn’t a smart idea, and maybe he should focus on _this_ instead. Who knew when and how to reel him in, and when to just let him fly. Someone who understood that Tony needed to be the boss at work, needed to be free sometimes, but when he came home, he needed _structure_.

Rhodey might’ve had to go off to the military, taking and giving orders with others, and Pepper might’ve eventually found it all _too much_ – “I can’t… I can’t have that much control over someone else’s life, Tony. I’m supposed to be your partner, not your _parent_. I just, I’m sorry, I can’t.” – but JARVIS had always been there. And now… now he was gone, too.

He was gone, Tony was alone, and it was all Tony’s fault.

Closing his eyes tight, he took another long drink, hoping to dull the pain enough that he might actually be able to get some sleep. In the back of his mind, he heard JARVIS’s voice telling him _‘Alcohol is not actually conducive to a good night’s sleep, sir. I believe it’s time you put the bottle away and went upstairs to bed._ ’ And if Tony wouldn’t listen, well, JARVIS could get mean. He wasn’t above shutting off all the lights, taking away Tony’s access to various bits of technology, or even shutting off the heat until Tony was too cold to stay in the room.

He’d hate seeing Tony sitting here drinking away his sorrows like this. “Yeah, well, not like you’re here anymore to protest, now are you?” Tony mumbled to himself. Then he took another long drink.

“Well, well, well, now isn’t this a pitiful sight?”

That voice – _that voice_. Tony rolled his head along the back of the couch and fought to look past the spinning room until he could focus his eyes on the body that went with that voice. When his gaze finally did clear, it was all Tony could do not to groan. Great, he was hallucinating. Apparently, he’d drank a lot more than he’d thought he had. _Another thing JARVIS would’ve yelled at me for._

Loki stood only a few feet away from him. Arms crossed over his chest, the dead god smirked down at him, seeming entirely too pleased with Tony’s predicament. “What, nothing to say? No witty quip? No sharp one-liners? Has the infamous Stark been silenced?”

For a moment Tony just stared at him. Then he snorted and shook his head. “Can’t I at least hallucinate someone more fun? Or less crazy than me?”

Humor sparked bright in Loki’s eyes. They slid down to the drink that Tony was lifting once more, then back up to his face. “You know, were I here for trouble, it would be almost too easy right now.”

“What else would you be here for?” Tony asked dryly. He took another drink, almost missing his mouth this time. A huff slid from him as he dropped his head to rest against the back of the couch, eyes staring sightlessly up at the ceiling. “Go figure my brain conjures _you_ up to help torture me a little more. Just another mistake I made, right? Another fuck-up in a long line of Tony Stark’s fuck-ups.”

There was a brief moment of quiet, and then the sound of leather shifting against leather. When Loki spoke again, he sounded almost… curious. “Though I may regret asking this, how exactly am I classified as one of your mistakes?”

“You’re a hallucination brought on by drink and my own bitchy subconscious – shouldn’t you already know the answer to that?” Tony pointed out.

“Humor me, Stark.”

Sighing, Tony closed his eyes, opening them again quickly when the darkness only made the world spin around him. “Depends on who you ask. Should’ve stopped you faster, should’ve had better security to keep you out of here. Should’ve taken you out when I was here.” Huffing, Tony tried to push down the pain that echoed inside of him at repeating the words he’d heard a few times now – from others, and played over and over again in his own heart. “Should’ve realized faster you weren’t there by choice. Should’ve stopped Asgard from taking you away to lock you up for something you didn’t do. Take your fucking pick, Rudolph.”

If Tony had believed that Loki was actually there, he would’ve been worried by the sudden weight that was in the air. The silence that felt heavier than any words that could’ve been said.

As it was, this was just another stupid hallucination, and that weighted feeling was just Tony’s own mind and heart. A heart that had been broken way too many times.

Again, there came the sound of leather-against-leather. Then, Tony was surprised when Loki appeared at the back of the couch. He leaned over and folded his arms to rest on the back before resting his weight on them. It made his hair come down on either side of his face and gave him a less sinister look than normal. Good thing this wasn’t real; JARVIS would’ve been concerned about just how comforting Tony was currently finding the face of his ex-enemy.

A little furrow appeared between Loki’s brows. “Where are your teammates, Stark?”

Tony snorted. His team. Yeah, his great and amazing _team_. “Who knows?” Not like they’d told _him_. No, they’d just left, just like everyone else. Leaving Tony here alone to grieve the loss of an amazing being no one even seemed to acknowledge ever existed. No, they were probably off with their newfound teammates. That bitch, and, and _Vision_.

Just thinking of Vision had Tony’s chest aching again. His boy’s voice, his programming, tied up in a being that was both JARVIS and yet wasn’t all at the same time.

Tears burned the back of Tony’s eyes. Clearly, he wasn’t drunk enough yet. Not if he could still feel all this. Reaching for the bottle, Tony intended to rectify that mistake.

Only, to his complete shock, the bottle fucking _vanished_.

“I believe you have had enough,” Loki said. He’d yet to move, but the furrow between his brows had deepened, and… was he _concerned_? The idea was ludicrous. Not even Tony’s supposed team had been concerned about him! No, they’d been set on blaming him, as they rightfully should. What did his losses matter in the long run? This was all his fault anyway.

“Have not,” Tony murmured, knowing he sounded childish and not caring in the least.

Nimble fingers neatly plucked the empty glass he still held from his hands, and _woah_ , how the fuck was that even possible?! When Tony looked up to protest, he found himself struck silent by the sharp glare that Loki was sending his way. “I said _enough_ , Anthony. Perhaps you wish to drink yourself into a coma, but you shall have to do it on your own time. What you need right now is sleep.”

 _Oh, God_ , sleep sounded amazing. But Tony knew it’d be pointless. “Can’t,” he finally mumbled. Weirdness aside, this was still all in his head anyway, so he didn’t bother trying to stop himself from turning to face the back of the couch. The tears he’d been fighting were burning warm paths down his cheeks as he finally stopped fighting. Tony gave himself over to the grief and let it burn its way through him. “Can’t sleep without JARVIS.”

“Your voice in the ceiling?”

Tony drew his arms around himself and turned more toward the back of the couch. “He was more’n that, an he’s… he’s gone. He’s _gone_.” The last word came out like a wail, and that was it, that was too much. Tony buried himself against the back of the couch as he began to sob. Deep, gut-wrenching sounds that tore their way from him with enough force to shake his body. Tony brought his hands up to press his shaking palms against his face. Not that it mattered – there was no one here to see him. No one to witness as the great, emotionless bastard broke down and dared show that he was human enough to have _feelings_.

The tidal wave of grief caught Tony in its waves and sucked him under. It took him so deep, he forgot all about his hallucination, or anything else.

Right up until a pair of strong arms were suddenly sliding under him.

Tony tried to move, to lash out at whoever was daring to touch him, but he was too drunk, too broken, and the hands that were lifting his upper body were so damn _gentle_. They drew Tony upwards and then the genius found himself being pulled into someone’s lap in a way he hadn’t been since he’d been a terrified child hurt from a fall, and Edwin Jarvis had gathered Tony up and cradled him just like this. He’d pulled Tony into his lap and held him close and tight, and he hadn’t shushed him, hadn’t demanded that Tony stop crying. He’d just held on and let Tony sob his little heart out.

These arms were doing the same thing now. They pulled Tony in close until he found his face pressed in against something hard – leather? Whoever it was, they pressed what felt like a kiss against Tony’s hair, and there was no way he could even think about fighting it anymore. Tony dissolved into helpless sobs while his hands clutched at the heavy material in front of him. “He’s gone.” The words tore out of him like the wail of a terrified and heartbroken child. “He’s gone, and no one even cares. They don’t care.” The tears came hotter, faster, ripping away everything inside of him until Tony felt empty, hollowed out.

The last thing he heard as his body finally gave in to the need for sleep was a warm voice above him, murmuring gentle, soothing words. “Rest, little one. Rest. No one will harm you while I stand watch.”

Tony fell into a deep sleep, wishing with everything he had that those words were true. That he wasn’t alone.

* * *

The world felt sort of achy and hazy when Tony woke again. Yet, at the same time, it was surprisingly cozy. There was something warm that was wrapped around Tony. It felt… he nuzzled his face against it. It felt _soft_. Tony let out a soft sigh and nuzzled in a little closer. The softness eased the burning of his face; a sensation that Tony was, sadly, far too familiar with. This wasn’t the first time he’d gotten drunk and fallen asleep crying. Hopefully, he’d been smart enough to do it in his rooms.

Though, really, did it matter? It wasn’t like anyone else was around, anyway.

There was a vague hint of memory that drifted up from the night before. A… voice? One that sounded vaguely familiar. Someone talking to him, holding him, whispering that it was going to be all right.

God, he must’ve had a lot to hallucinate something like that. Only Rhodey had ever held Tony like that, and he wasn’t anywhere around right now. Nor would he be; not after Tony’s latest screw-up. That’d been enough to scare everyone else away. Why wouldn’t it scare away Rhodey, too? He’d put up with so much more than anyone else. Tony couldn’t blame him if this were the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

The softness around Tony moved, and it was like his brain suddenly switched into gear, going from hungover to alert with an almost audible _snap_ that fucking _hurt_. Yet Tony didn’t focus on it. Not when he was finally cataloging the things that were out of place here. The soft thing against his face and around his body, practically _swaddling_ him. The fact that what he was lying on wasn’t a bed, or the couch, or even the floor, but a fucking _body_. And the firm pressure around him wasn’t just the blanket or whatever the fuck this was. It was _arms_.

He was lying in a strange blanket, with someone he didn’t know.

Tony’s eyes shot open. The sight of the face above his was enough to have Tony swearing and trying to launch back, only to find his limbs tired and uncooperative, and unable to move beyond the blanket around him. Tony tried to yank back more, but the arms around him drew him back in, and _Goddamn fucking_ Loki started to _shush_ _him_!

“Let go of me!” Tony snarled out. He kicked and shoved, struggling with everything he had to get free. “Let go of me! _JARVIS, send the…_ ”

The words cut off when realization hit him like a slap to the face. Tony went completely still as the events of yesterday washed over him. JARVIS, Ultron, Sokovia, the team, _JARVIS_. Coming back here, alone, and picking up a bottle. Picking up another bottle. Tony closed his eyes as he remembered drinking, and drinking, and _drinking_ , and then what he’d thought was a hallucination. _Apparently not_. “You were really here.”

Tony had to wince at how sore his voice sounded. He’d really done a number on his throat.

The hold around him readjusted. Tony was pulled in close, his head once more pillowing against what he was now realizing was Loki’s shoulder, and then long, gentle fingers were in his hair. “I was indeed. I wasn’t quite sure if you’d remember that.”

“And you… sat here while I slept.”

He felt it as Loki shrugged. “You were grieving, and you were alone.”

The way he said it was like it was just that simple. Tony had been alone and upset, and so _of course_ Loki had stayed. Because that was logical, right? That made total sense. Tony closed his eyes and tried to figure out what the hell had been in his drink. Maybe he was still hallucinating? Or maybe he’d fallen into some sort of parallel world. “Weren’t you threatening me when you showed up?”

“I was taunting you, yes. Had I realized what you’d suffered, I would not have.”

“Okay, yeah, no.” That was officially Tony’s limit. He snapped his eyes open again and moved his head up to glare at Loki’s face. There was no way he was going to be able to break free, he knew. Not against Asgardian strength, or whatever-the-hell kind of alien Loki was. “Let go of me. Whatever game you’re playing here, I’m not gonna be a part of it. So just… let me up, and then get to whatever it is you want.”

“I came to talk of peace and alliances. But they have waited this long, they can wait a little longer,” Loki said calmly. He drew his hand out of Tony’s hair and brushed those fingers against his cheek, under the sensitive skin under his eyes. “Your body needs more sleep.”

That earned Loki a narrow-eyed look that flashed with a hint of temper. “Listen here, Reindeer Games. I don’t know who you think you are, or what kind of bee climbed up your ass, but you’ve got about five seconds to let go of me before I have FRIDAY send the suit to help you do it.”

The threat didn’t seem to bother Loki in the least. If anything, he was watching Tony now with a look that was way too close to _understanding_ for Tony’s taste. “Who I think I am?” Loki repeated. He gentled his touch on Tony’s face, turning it into a softer hold, one that allowed him to slip his hand down to Tony’s chin and tip his head up, making sure that Tony couldn’t look away. “I am a father, Anthony, and a mother. One who has seen far too many broken-hearted children.”

This time, Loki let Tony jerk back, let him actually start to move away. Either he was smarter than he looked, or he was able to read the panic in Tony’s face. He didn’t stop Tony as the engineer shoved at the blanket around him and actually managed to get free this time. Or, free enough to actually get his feet down to the ground. Tony clutched the blanket around him as he shot up from the couch and forced himself to run away from the ridiculous amount of comfort that Loki was offering. All he could think of as he did was – _How did he know? How the hell did he know?_

A new kind of fear was building in Tony. This had to be some kind of trick. Loki must have… he must’ve been watching Tony, seen what he was like with Rhodey or Pepper, saw what JARVIS did for him, and decided that he was going to swoop in while Tony was vulnerable and just, step on in and get himself some pet genius on a leash.

Well, like hell if Tony was going to let that happen! No matter how much a part of him was aching to climb back into the safe space of Loki’s lap and curl up there again.

“This isn’t gonna work,” Tony snapped at him. He backed further away, putting not only the coffee table between them but a love seat as well. “So you spied on me, and you saw my big, dark secret. Big fucking deal. Just because I like having someone else in charge doesn’t mean I’m stupid enough to accept the first fucking person that comes in here offering me fake comfort.”

One of Loki’s eyebrows arched up. He hadn’t moved from the couch; had only crossed his legs, and then folded his hands in his lap. “Is that what you believe I’m here for? To offer you false comfort? To, how did you put it? Be _in charge_?”

Tony sneered at him. “Don’t act like it’s not. You saw I lost the only person I trusted to tell me what to do, and you thought, hey, let’s swoop in and step up, get ourselves a little pet Iron Man, am I right? Well, fuck you. I’m not a fucking kid, and I’m especially not _your_ kid! Just because I l-lost JARVIS doesn’t mean I’m gonna fall for the first asshole to try and step up. Trust me, I learned that lesson with Obie, I’m not looking to repeat it again. I’ve been taking care of myself since I was four, I’ll find a way to make this work!”

Tightness briefly flashed over Loki’s features. Then his face smoothed out, though his eyes remained just a bit _sad_. When he spoke, it was the very last thing that Tony had expected him to say. “Has Thor explained to you what it means for a mage to give their word?”

Caught off guard by the randomness of that question, Tony blinked his eyes a few times, his brain stalling. Then it was like Loki’s question clicked. “Um… yes? It was why he said he trusted you again up in god-land.” Tony’s voice became a bit clearer as he remembered that conversation with Thor, and as he began to piece together where this might be going. “He said that for a mage to give their word is binding. That your magic juju forces you to stick by your word when you really give it.”

Loki nodded his head. “Indeed.” All of a sudden, the green magic that Loki was known for sprang to life in his eyes, and it seemed to lay heavy over his words, giving the air a crackling feel – like the moments before a big storm. “I, Loki Laufeyson, give you my word, Anthony Stark, that I came here with no ill will towards you beyond simple flyting. I came to speak of peace, and of an alliance against the greater threat in our future. I also give you my word that I do not seek to use your current weakness against you, now or in the future.”

Silence fell over the room. Tony didn’t move; he couldn’t. Because, though the others might not agree with him, Tony found himself doing what might prove to something very stupid – he believed him.

Thor had said that a mage’s word was binding. And those words, the weight and power that Tony had felt behind them, they were hard to dismiss. They just seemed to ring with the truth. Sure, Loki was known as a lie-smith. But… this didn’t feel like that. Tony was practiced at reading liars. It came from being such a good one himself. This didn’t feel like any sort of lie. It felt true.

Which meant… which meant that his actions last night hadn’t been some way to integrate himself into Tony’s life. He just honestly wanted to help. And that, more than anything else, left Tony speechless.

Hands that shook ever so slightly tried to tug the blanket a little tighter around him. Tony looked down, realizing for the first time that it wasn’t a blanket he was holding. It was _Loki’s cape_. He was still mostly wrapped up in Loki’s cape, which had been put around him at some point after he’d passed out from sobbing in the mage’s lap like a baby.

That had Tony’s cheeks coloring. Oh, God, he’d really done that. He’d really sobbed his heart out against Loki’s chest while the god held him, and wrapped him up, and then kept him there until Tony woke up again. _Oh, God_. The embarrassment was enough to have Tony ducking his head down. His usual walls weren’t holding up like he wanted them to. Not after all this. He was too raw, too broken open. Anger had given Tony some sort of protection before. Now that it was gone, he found himself shaking, clutching even tighter at the cape around him.

That same sadness that he’d seen in Loki’s eyes before was back now, even stronger. “Anthony…”

“I’m not a kid,” Tony blurted out. He knew Loki had to be thinking that – and he wasn’t wrong, but Tony wasn’t going to say that, oh God, no! – especially after Tony’s speech before about _giving up control_. But a lifetime of keeping this secret had Tony scrambling to try and cover up now.

Loki’s expression gentled a little. When he spoke, he surprised Tony yet again. This time by asking one single, simple question.

“Would you like to be?”

That soft question was enough to stop Tony in his tracks. Every inch of him froze. Eyebrows up, eyes wide, Tony was actually gaping a little at the mage, his mouth hanging open. “I…what? What?”

“I’ve traveled to many realms in my lifetime,” Loki said calmly. “I’ve seen many different cultures. In those cultures, I’ve encountered the child-minded. Those who feel young inside; who wish for a caretaker. Someone to help them, to protect them, and to love them. I recognized the signs in you last night, even before your speech this morning, and I assumed it was the same way in your realm.”

“It’s not,” Tony said, voice just a bit sharper than he’d wanted. He wasn’t sure he liked that term – child-minded. It made him sound… it made him sound _weak_.

Loki tilted his head a little and studied Tony’s face. “Surely there are some. I doubt you are the _only_ one in your world who feels the need to be young and cared for.”

The way he said that – as if it were a foregone conclusion that Tony was this way, that this was how Tony felt – left the genius tongue-tied. He wanted to deny it again. To hide it. Only, what was the point? Loki clearly had his mind made up. And Tony had given him all the evidence he’d needed before.

Sighing, Tony slumped his shoulders a little, too tired to fight. “It’s not the same. Not when you’re me.” He dropped his eyes down and away. It felt strange to be admitting this out loud. To say this to someone that wasn’t JARVIS. Yet, what did he really have left to lose anymore? Everything important in Tony’s life was gone. He had nothing.

Tony closed his eyes under the weight of that. In his voice, his grief was clear, as was his resignation. He just didn’t have any fight left in him. “There’s too much of a risk that someone could take the information and sell it to the tabloids or try and use it against me. Besides, most people look at me and assume I want to be someone’s Daddy. Or they want a Sugar Daddy. I haven’t found any girls who can let go of who I am enough to try and play ‘Mom,’ and I have a… a shitty history with Dads. Plus, I’ve been told I’m a lot to handle.”

“There is nothing wrong with being spirited.”

“Yeah, well, JARVIS was the only one who would’ve agreed with you.”

There was barely any noise to warn Tony before Loki was right there in front of him. “Anthony.” One hand came up and brushed over Tony’s hair. “He took care of you. Your JARVIS. He was your caretaker.” Loki paused, and Tony could only nod, the grief in his chest preventing anything from passing his lips. “And you lost him yesterday.” Another nod. Loki’s tone turned even gentler, in a way that Tony hadn’t known it could. Loki-the-mage was gone, and in his place was someone else. Someone that gave credence to Loki’s claims as a parent. “Oh, my sweet little one. You have been here alone with your grief, and no one to care for you.”

Tony wanted so badly to lean into the warmth of that voice. To wrap up in it once more and get back some of that safe feeling that he’d found earlier before he’d known who was holding him. It had him leaning in a little towards the warmth of Loki’s body, even as he blurted out: “I don’t trust you.”

“I know.” Loki’s hand brushed over Tony’s cheek, back to his hair, and then drew his head in. “When you are feeling more yourself, we will talk about this. About what we would both like, and what we would expect. Then, when all is said and done, we will call whichever magical witness you trust most, and I will swear to you the truth of my intentions. For now…” Abruptly, Loki bent his knees a little, and a solid hand caught Tony under his thighs. He found himself being drawn up as easily as if he weighed nothing.

Tony knew he should argue this. That he should demand Loki put him down and let him go. But, _god_ , it felt so good to have Loki holding on to him. The mage didn’t take Tony anywhere, didn’t try and get him to lie down. No, he just lifted Tony up much like one would a bride – or a baby – and he held him close against his chest as he began to walk.

That was all he did, just walk. Back and forth in a soothing pattern through the living room. When Tony – far too tired to fight anymore – laid his head on Loki’s shoulder, the mage made a low humming sound and pressed a kiss to Tony’s forehead.

That humming sound lingered as Loki continued to pace. It took on a slightly melodic lilt that was oddly soothing. Little by little, the tension drained out of Tony’s body, until finally, he was slumping down in Loki’s hold.

Maybe he was making a giant mistake. Maybe he was setting himself up for a world of hurt later on. But at that moment, with Loki right there with him, holding him, Tony couldn’t bring himself to regret it. Regret could come later. For now, Loki was holding him the way that Tony had always wished JARVIS had been able to do, and he was offering Tony simple comfort. No insults, no words at all. Just a strong body to hold him up and keep him safe until Tony felt strong enough to face the world again.

Closing his eyes, he leaned in. Stupid though this may be, he was going to soak up every single bit of it he could. Later, it might be the only thing he had to hold him through the long, empty nights without JARVIS, or his team, or anyone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's frank talk of rules/wants/limits in here, and a firm respecting of boundaries, plus a whole lot of fluff (and I've been warned, the potential for some tears)

If anyone had ever told Tony that he was going to be getting into any sort of relationship with Loki Odinson (Laufeyson, Loki had corrected him, though he’d done it with a small twist to his mouth that made his distaste clear) Tony would’ve called them insane. Sure, Thor had told them all about how Loki had been tortured by the Mad Titan and forced to attack Earth. But the guy hadn’t actually been mind-controlled or anything. Just… broken a bit, and then – from what Tony had been able to gather, what with how vague Thor had been at this part – Thanos had _suggested_ very strongly to Loki what needed to be done to gain his favor, and Loki’s freedom.

For the others, that hadn’t been a good enough excuse. Especially not for Clint. But for Tony, it’d been enough. More than enough. He knew just what kind of things torture could do to a person. How it was capable of taking their mind and twisting it, _breaking_ it, until it was nothing like what it’d once been. Until what had seemed wrong before seemed right now, if only it made the pain _stop_. Tony’s own time being tortured gave him a unique perspective on all of it. Hearing that Loki had gone through it for a year, well, how the hell could they blame him for breaking and letting the Titan muck with his head?

Asgard had worked its magic on Loki, and, according to Thor, a score of mind-healers had repaired the damage caused by Thanos and his minions. Loki was declared _healed_.

Tony more than any other Avenger would’ve been the one willing to actually talk to Loki. To hear what he had to say about Thanos so that they could better prepare themselves for his coming. He would’ve been willing to meet and talk, to ally himself. Hell, he might’ve even found his way around to being friends with the guy if he was anything like what Thor said of him.

He’d never expected to be sitting around talking with the god about a magical BDSM contract.

After the loss of JARVIS and Tony’s subsequent breakdown in front of Loki, the god had stayed with Tony for the rest of the weekend. He’d taken care of him, gotten him to eat and sleep, and let him cry out his grief in a way that no one else had. Not a single person had called or stopped by the entire time. Loki had been the only one to be there and to get Tony through those first few terrifying nights.

When the new week had rolled around, and SI demanded Tony’s attention, Loki had left to take care of his own business as well. But he’d promised to return by the next weekend, when they’d both had time to think about this, and about what they wanted. Tony had been so sure that Loki wouldn’t come back. Why would he? No one wanted to take the time to take care of an adult who should be fully capable of taking care of themselves. Not to mention all the other little things about Tony… things that he didn’t let anyone but JARVIS see. Not even Pepper or Rhodey had ever really been able to see all those parts of Tony. He kept them way too hidden.

Yet Loki hadn’t seemed to care at all. Nothing he’d seen on that first weekend had shocked him. Not Tony’s whining, or his clinginess, or even the time that Tony’s thumb had somehow slipped into his mouth when he’d been sleeping.

Still, even knowing that Loki hadn’t judged him so far, it didn’t make it any easier for Tony to sit here now and talk about what it was that he wanted from something like this.

The two were in in the living room of Tony’s penthouse together. Neutral ground would’ve been better, but that would’ve required somewhere public, and this wasn’t a conversation Tony could have in any public setting. He couldn’t risk anyone overhearing what he had to say. That was why they were at the kitchen table in the penthouse, staring at one another over two cups of coffee. Tony was trying his damnedest not to let his nerves show; judging by how Loki was watching him, it was a failed effort.

“There is no pressure on you here, Anthony,” Loki said, his voice far gentler than Tony would’ve believed possible before their time together last weekend. It reminded Tony of how gentle JARVIS could get sometimes. That tone he used when he was trying not to spook Tony. “This is simply about putting your wants into words. That is all I need from you. Your wants and needs. We can build together from there to find something that suits us both.”

Oh was that all? Just put into words the things that Tony never talked about with anyone, and lay it all out for someone who, up until a week ago, he would’ve counted in the reluctant-ally column at best. Yeah, sure, no big deal at all.

Tony recognized that the internal sarcasm probably wasn’t the healthiest. But at least it wasn’t coming out his mouth, right?

Before Tony could gather himself enough to find words that wouldn’t be offensive – or to find words at all, really – he was cut off by Loki magically appearing a tablet in his hand. A Starkpad, actually. Loki made it appear with a light flash of green sparks, and then almost immediately began tapping away at it. A second later, he turned it around and set it on the table, sliding it towards Tony.

“Here. I did my own research this past week on Midgardian practices for this sort of thing. I… suspected that you might have issue putting your needs into words, so I took the liberty of compiling a list such as you Midgardians seem to use for these types of situations. You should find everything necessary on there, as well as a ranking system to show the level of importance for you, and slots at the bottom where you can add things that you need or don’t which aren’t included on here.”

Tony’s mouth dropped open. He knew he was gaping, and he couldn’t quite help himself. He didn’t know what kind of talk he’d been expecting here, other than one that was guaranteed to embarrass him or to end in frustration. What he hadn’t expected was for Loki to have done _research_ and then actually come armed with said research. This was… this was exactly how things _should_ be done. Conversation, lists – a clear-cut understanding between both parties about what was expected/allowed, and what wasn’t.

A look down at the tablet showed the start of what appeared to be a pretty comprehensive list. One similar to what Tony had once drunkenly filled out with JARVIS.

“You… you went and looked all this up?” Tony couldn’t help but ask. There might’ve been a hint of awe in his voice, but, it was just, no one else but JARVIS had ever really done this for him. No one else had paid this close of attention or cared this much about Tony’s wants or needs.

When he looked up, he found Loki smiling at him, warm and easy. It was so weird to see on a face that was usually full of mockery. “I told you, this isn’t the first time I’ve been involved in something like this. There are entire villages on Alfheim dedicated to this sort of life. There, it’s common practice for the two parties to sit and discuss their wants and needs before agreeing to anything, and to write it out in a magical contract so that there is no doubt that neither party can cause any serious, knowing harm to the other.”

The thought of an entire village of people who lived this kind of lifestyle had Tony curling his hands tightly around the tablet. A wave of longing washed over him. Places like that… the idea of the acceptance he might find there was something that Tony could barely even begin to imagine. It’d be even better because no one there would know who Tony Stark was. They’d know him by whatever introduction Loki gave. They wouldn’t have any idea beyond that to who he really was, except that he was Midgardian.

Tony looked down at the list in front of him, and then back up at Loki. Before this went any further, he had to ask, had to _know_. “Why are you doing this?” he blurted out. The words were torn from him, yet he couldn’t stop them. “I get that you, you’ve seen this before, and you seem like you like the lifestyle or whatever – and that’s totally something that boggles my head even after a week to get used to it. But, I mean… why me? Why not go to this place you’re talking about on whatever-heim and find someone there? Why bother with a, a broken, scarred up mortal whose life is barely a drop in the bucket compared to yours?”

He was grateful when Loki didn’t brush his question off. In fact, Loki sat up a little straighter, and he folded his arms down on the table as he leaned forward. It put them more on eye level in a move that Tony hadn’t expected him to do, especially considering their current subject. Once he had Tony’s gaze, Loki spoke, his voice steady and firm in a way that left little room for doubt. “You have fascinated me from the first moment I saw you, Anthony Stark. When you stood here in this very room and so brazenly challenged me with only the hope that your suit might arrive in time to stop me from harming you. You were brave and strong, and so very alone.”

“I had my team outside,” Tony couldn’t help but point out.

Loki’s lips quirked up in a sad parody of a smile. “You were alone,” he repeated, so gentle in his delivery that Tony couldn’t bring himself to argue what he knew was the truth. “Later, when my mind was my own, it made me ache to think of it. Thor would speak to me of his shield brothers and sister, telling me tales of your deeds, and it didn’t escape my notice how you continued to be alone. When I arrived last weekend to speak with you and found you grieving… how could I leave you to continue to be alone?”

The way Loki said it made it seem so simple. Tony had been alone, Loki felt sorry for him, and that was that. Like there was just no other explanation or reason needed.

Some of the sadness seemed to fade from Loki’s face. Again, Tony couldn’t help but think how strange it was to see Loki so gentle, and yet having it directed his way put something warm deep down inside of him that he couldn’t quite ignore. When Loki reached across the table, Tony was too caught up in that soft, sweet look he wore to even think of flinching at the fingers that curled over his wrist. “This changes none of my original purpose for being here. I would speak with you of an alliance against the coming threat. Never think that this means I believe you any less strong or capable. If you were not as strong as you are, I never would’ve wanted to come ally myself with you. Whatever we decide here today, that won’t change that.”

And it was that more than anything else that convinced Tony. He knew he probably should’ve been _more_ worried. Perhaps even suspicious. After all, what was to say that Loki wasn’t trying to take advantage of this part of Tony to steer their supposed alliance in a direction he wanted to go.

_Sometimes you gotta run before you can walk._

He’d told JARVIS that once when testing out the Iron Man suit. It was a motto that Tony tended to live his life by, even if he probably shouldn’t.

That philosophy towards life was what prompted Tony to gather up the tablet in his hands and sit back in his seat. He shot one last, nervous look up at Loki, and then ducked his head down and focused on the screen in front of him. He could do this. He could sit here and answer a questionnaire. That had to be a whole lot easier than saying it out loud.

The questionnaire really was in-depth. It started out with one of the most important questions, in Tony’s opinion, and one that set the tone for the rest of it.

_Are you into sexual or nonsexual little play?_

Tony flushed at that question, and he snuck a look up at Loki. To his surprise, Loki was simply sitting back in his seat, sipping off the mug in his hands. He met Tony’s nervous look with an encouraging smile of his own that had Tony flushing deeper and ducking his head back down. He hesitated only a second before selecting _nonsexual._ He wasn’t one for a whole ‘daddy kink’ in bed or anything like that. He didn’t want to mix those moments of littleness with anything sexual. Maybe it worked for other people – it didn’t work for him.

To Tony’s surprise, the minute he selected his answer half the questions below vanished, leaving him with a smaller yet no less daunting list to fill out. Chewing on the inside of his lip, Tony reminded himself that this was what he wanted and that he had a chance here to get what he’d been needing – and what not even JARVIS had been able to fully supply. A caregiver who could not only take care of him but who would be _physically there_ to do it.

A few of the questions were easy, at least.

_Do you prefer polyamorous or monogamous relationships?_

_How long have you been into the BDSM scene?_

_How long have you been into the Caregiver/little dynamic?_

Tony answered those ones without hesitation. He had no problem listing that he wanted a monogamous relationship, and just how long he’d been into the whole scene. Those kind of questions weren’t any big deal. It was the ones that came after that were harder for Tony to answer. He’d never been all that great at telling people _no_ , and that included blatantly telling them things that he didn’t like them doing. Telling people those things was just asking for them to use it against you. And admitting what he _did_ like was… embarrassing.

The only thing that made it easier on him was that the questions didn’t ask him to directly write out what he did or didn’t want. Instead, it listed common items and elements in a little relationship and asked him to rank them on a scale of one to ten – one being not wanted at all, and ten being absolutely essential.

The list contained all sorts of things for him to rank. It was broken into categories, like ‘play time’ or ‘punishment.’ Other bits were broken down by age. Tony had to pick an age range he identified as, or if he was undetermined, and then go through the items listed there. Staring at the age groupings, Tony continued to worry the inside of his cheek.

“Anthony.” Loki’s voice interrupted his worries, causing Tony to snap his head up. He found Loki watching him with one corner of his mouth quirked up, and a perfectly calm expression on his face. “If you don’t wish to answer something, don’t. But what you do answer, I expect you to answer truthfully. If you feel the need to lie, simply skip the question.”

Tony opened his mouth to deny that he’d been planning on lying – which would’ve been a lie all on its own – only to snap his mouth back shut at the way that Loki raised his eyebrows in a silent dare.

Color flooded his cheeks, and he ducked his head back down. Then, after only one small hesitation, he tapped the 2-4 category.

Something about crossing that hurdle made the rest of it just a little bit easier. Seeing familiar questions, ones that JARVIS had helped him to work through and accept the last time he’d done one of these, made the questionnaire go faster. Before Tony even realized it, he was done.

The hesitation came back when it was time for Tony to hand the tablet back over. He’d almost tricked himself while filling it out, treating it like he had when it was just him and JARVIS doing this. But this wasn’t for JARVIS. JARVIS wasn’t here anymore – _don’t think about that, don’t feel it, don’t think about how alone you are_ – it was just Tony and Loki. A guy who, up until a week ago, had been practically a stranger. A guy who had taken care of him when the rest of Tony’s team had abandoned him. A guy who was sitting here now, smiling oh-so-gently as he held his hand out for the tablet.

Tony swallowed down the lump in his throat. Then he lifted a hand that shook more than he liked, and he handed the tablet over.

“Thank you,” Loki said. He drew the tablet in and turned it so that he could look everything over. If he noticed how much Tony was starting to blush, he thankfully said nothing on it. Instead, he let his eyes roam over the screen, scrolling as he went through everything there.

What had taken Tony almost fifteen minutes to fill out took Loki just a minute, at most, to read through. It felt longer, though. It felt _so long_. Tony’s stomach was in knots, and he’d curled his hands in, rubbing his knuckles against one another in a nervous habit he’d developed years and years ago when he couldn’t indulge in his preferred form of self-soothing.

Usually Tony had better control over himself. But looking over that list, thinking of the things he liked and the things he didn’t, combined with the stress he’d been under lately, all of it was mixing together to push him towards the headspace he so frequently tried to ignore.

When Loki looked up, he was smiling, and something about that almost instantly set Tony at ease. He relaxed even more when Loki said: “Peace, Anthony. There is nothing you’ve put on here that’s outside the realm of what I’m comfortable with.”

“Not even the, uh, the… um, the…”

Thankfully, Loki saved him from stammering his way through his question. His smile softened in a way that Tony couldn’t ever remember someone directing at him. The closest he’d seen was Mama Rhodes. She got that look on her face sometimes when she was talking with Tony. This sort of, soft and sweet look, one that made Tony feel like he was getting a warm hug without them actually hugging him. That was the look that Loki wore now, only… just a little different. Nicer?

“Not even the titles,” Loki reassured him, warm and easy. “I’ve been both mother and father. Neither title bothers me. If you prefer not to use Dad or Father, I have no problem with that.”

This was kind of too good to be true. Tony couldn’t keep from feeling like this was just a setup; there had to be a catch to this. Maybe Loki just didn’t realize what it was that Tony meant when he’d put down the bit about titles. “I won’t use those,” he said, needing to make sure this was clear. Needing it to be understood. “And you’re, well…”

“Male?” Loki interjected. A hint of the trickster that Tony knew him to be seeped through, and he smirked at Tony. “Currently, that _is_ true. Most often it’s even how I prefer to be. However, I have always had the ability to be either one. Male or female, it all matters on my mood. I can change my shape at will.”

Tony’s eyebrows went up in surprise. Worry was forgotten underneath a burst curiosity. “Seriously?”

“Indeed. As I said, I’ve been both mother and father, Anthony. I’ve both sired and born children. Neither title will be strange for me to hear. Nor are they our only options. I’m sure we can find one that suits both our tastes.”

Again, the thought came that this was too good to be true. It was like Loki was offering Tony everything he could’ve wanted right there on a silver platter. All he had to do was sign away his soul. At least, that’s what it felt like, and he knew that’s what others would think if they found out about it. No matter how ‘reformed’ Asgard or Thor said that Loki was, the rest of the Avengers weren’t going to care. They were going to look at any sort of friendship between Tony and Loki as yet another of Tony’s betrayals. Another mistake.

Thinking of it had Tony slumping down again. All the doubts that he’d been fighting back came rushing to the forefront and Tony, falling a little further down into his own mind, didn’t have the reserves to keep fighting them back.

“Anthony?”

Tony ducked his head a little, and he stared down at his hands in his lap, wishing JARVIS were here. He’d know what to do. He’d know who Tony was supposed to trust here. There’d be no reason to worry about doing the right thing because JARVIS always made sure that Tony did, or that there were contingencies when Tony didn’t. Without him here, how was Tony supposed to know what to do? How was he supposed to figure it out?

There was the sound of a chair moving, and then Tony heard Loki walk around the table. A moment later, he was squatting down beside Tony’s chair, one of his hands coming up to rest on Tony’s back.

That gentle touch reached down to those tensed up places inside of Tony and seemed to just… soothe them out. He felt some of his tension drain away underneath the firm pressure from someone that he probably shouldn’t trust, yet somehow did.

“I don’t know what to do,” Tony whispered. He twisted his hands together in his lap until his knuckles were popping from the pressure of it. “JARVIS… JARVIS would’ve known what to do. He would’ve told me what was okay.”

Loki’s hand never left Tony’s back. In fact, it started this soothing stroke up and down that felt kind of like it was pushing out every bit of tension Tony had. “What are you scared of?”

Tony opened his mouth, fully intending on saying something like ‘that you’ll hurt me’ or ‘that you’ll betray me.’ Instead, what came out was: “Everyone’s gonna hate me.”

“Why would they hate you?”

The simple question had Tony ducking his head down even further. “Cause I’m not supposed to trust you, and I do, and I don’t know why I do. An cause I’m not… this isn’t… it’s not _normal_. People are gonna think something’s wrong with me. That I’m crazy or b-broken, and they won’t, they won’t want me on the team anymore or running SI, and I can’t give it up, Loki, I can’t!” A pleading whine was building in Tony’s voice.

When he looked up, he knew his eyes were going to be wide, something that Rhodey always said made him look even younger, but he couldn’t help it. All his fears just came spilling out as he looked over at Loki’s understanding face.

“I’m not really an Avenger, just a consultant, an if they find out I like doing this, they’re gonna _h-hate_ me. If they find out I’m doing it with you, Fury’s gonna try an lock me up, and I know that, I know I shouldn’t, but I _want to_. I really, _really_ want to, but I, I…”

By the end of that, Tony’s voice had risen and was cracking, and he was bordering on a hysteria he knew he wouldn’t come back from.

Luckily, he wasn’t alone.

Loki moved immediately to gather Tony up and actually lift him into his arms. What else could Tony do but wrap his legs around that trim waist and cling to the only thing that felt safe or steady in Tony’s world right then? One of Loki’s arms went under him, while he pressed his other hand to the back of Tony’s head until he had his face pressed against the curve of Loki’s neck. “Oh my sweet, sweet little boy,” Loki crooned to him. “There we are, darling, I have you. I have you.”

Not once did Loki shush him. Not even when Tony’s breath was gasping in his chest. He didn’t cry; Stark men were made of iron. That was a lesson that had been drilled into Tony from the instant he was old enough to understand it. He didn’t cry, because he was tough, he was a _Stark_ , and he wasn’t a _baby_. Crying over JARVIS had been one thing – JARVIS deserved his tears. But for this? For Tony wanting something he knew he shouldn’t? _No_. He was being weak enough, taking the comfort Loki was giving him.

Time lost all meaning as Tony was walked back and forth. Never once did Loki let go of him, nor stop the soothing humming he’d slipped in to.

It wasn’t until Tony finally started to relax into him that Loki finally made as if to stop. He moved them somewhere – the kitchen, Tony realized – and then Tony was being sat down on the counter. He tried to hold on, then immediately made as if to let go, flushing from embarrassment at his reaction.

Loki didn’t give him long to be embarrassed. He kept close to the counter, never moving away from Tony completely. He moved just enough that he could reach a hand in and cup Tony’s chin, drawing his head up so that he wasn’t able to hide any longer. Tony found himself being pinned in place by warm green eyes that gave the impression Loki could see straight down inside of Tony to all the places that no one was supposed to see. “Anthony – do you want this?”

“I’m not…”

“No,” Loki cut in. His thumb stroked over Tony’s jawline, soft and gentle, a contrast to the steady firmness of his voice. “I am not asking what others will think of you, or what you believe they’d want you to do. I am asking you, Anthony Stark, would you like to enter into a contracted child-minded relationship with me?”

The straightforward, blunt language made Tony cringe, but it also surprised him by steadying him a little. Loki wasn’t beating around the bush; he wasn’t prettying everything up like Tony knew he could. He was being honest with him, and that – that was something Tony could respect. It prompted an equally honest answer from him. “I do.”

The smile that spread over Loki’s face was so wide and bright. It lit up his eyes, and if Tony wasn’t mistaken, there was a hint of dimples in his cheeks. That look was one of such open and honest affection. Tony could only stare as Loki’s hand slid up to cup his cheek. “Then I will handle the rest. Once we sign our contract, dealing with the other Avengers and their issues will fall to me, and I will handle it. You need not worry yourself with any of it, my sweet.”

Tony wasn’t entirely sure he believed him. But, as Loki leaned in and pressed a kiss against his forehead, there was a small voice inside of Tony that whispered that maybe, just maybe, this might all work out.

He hoped so. Tony knew himself well enough to know just how broken he was right now; how much the loss of JARVIS had shattered him. If he did this, and Loki betrayed him?

There might be no recovering from that.

**Author's Note:**

> Remember, reviews are golden, and I love to hear what you think or what you'd like to see happen! :D I adore taking requests for this kind of stuff!


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